Loss

It is wrenching.

Hollow. Sunken and echoing like a well.
Right here.

Full. Swollen and suffering.
Like a puffed up pillow, its nothingness protrudes.

There's nothing. Less than nothing.

It is painful.

Hurt. Aching and jabbing like a stab to the stomach.
Right here.

Numb. Dulling and silent.
Sweepingly it cloaks my life in darkness.

It is unbelievable.

Lost. Confused and in denial.
A ship at sea, I float with no sense of direction.
                                                                                  There's a sense I am sinking. Right here.

Found. Loved and comforted.
Like a murmuration, it has brought us together.

I am swept up by wings of kindness, lifted by generous words.

Floating on the fond memories, I will try to keep my sail upright, as best I can.

Years

It has been years.

Maybe that is why I sleep restlessly,
wake early
with a mind full of bees –
buzzing around
with thoughts of you.

Is it a risk I can take?
Are you a risk I can make?
Am I a risk you have forsaken?

Trust me; trust you.

As I am confessing,
I have wished for a fateful meeting.

Recently, as each day passes into the next,
every song seems to
speak of you
speaking to me.
Of us.
Of what we were.
Of what we have become.

The new leaves, budding,
leave a bitter sweet taste in my mouth.
The new life promises,
surviving the harshness of winter
and battering of the cold,
to break free and bloom
in Spring.
My eyes to look on.

I know it is sad - it is a sad loss. 
But I don’t blame you.
The best years of my life were with you.
I won’t lie about that.

We were in love.
In love:
Completely.
Stupidly.
Heartbreakingly.
I dreamt of a future together.
What were you dreaming of?

As I sleep restlessly,
dreaming of risking it all on a fateful meeting,
our songs play in my head,
the magic twinkles like stars in my vision
- a migraine memory.
My tongue, a bud,
silently promises in a new voice
and my eyes close.

I have a lead weight in my chest. 

I has been years.
I hope that time is a healer.

Endings

In the end we wrap our words around what we can.
Endings bring out the best
and the worst.
The first and
last word
both grappled for
in the end.

Endings bring out the best
and the worst.
It wouldn't be the first time
we've battled for the last word.
Both grappling, in the end, for something
to depend or end upon.

Endings mean we've both said the first
and the last word.
We've both failed to grasp
what
is being said.
In the end,
we wrap our words
around
and around.